– OKAY, BUT DO I LOOK
IN THE CAMERA? NO? OH, AT YOU?
ALL RIGHT. [chuckles] LIKE ON TELEVISION,
ALL RIGHT. [magical sparking] [booming] – NOW, KNOCK IT OFF! ALL THE STUPID-ASS GRAB-ASS
AND TOUCHY-FEELY BULL[bleep]! GOD DAMN!
I TOLD YOU THEY WAS ROTTEN. – I AM BARNABUS JACKSON,
PRINCIPAL HERE AT CLORTHO’S, UH, VINCE CLORTHO HIGH.
UH– – [grunts]
– THIS STATION’S JUST A FORMALITY,
BUT– – HERE’S A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT
WE CONFISCATED JUST THIS WEEK. – STUFF–WE DON’T HAVE
TO SHOW THEM THAT. – HERE’S A WAND
WITH A SILENCER ON IT. WHY?
BUT I ASK AGAIN, WHY? ONE OUT OF FIVE GIRLS
IN THIS SCHOOL IS PREGNANT
WITH A DEMON BABY! – WELL–
– ONE OUT OF FIVE! – OKAY.
[laughs] THE BABIES ARE EVIL, BUT THE MOTHERS,
THEY’RE GOOD KIDS. AS WE SAY AT CLORTHO’S,
“THERE’S NEVER A PORTAL THAT CANNOT BE OPENED
WITH INGENUITY AND RESPECT.” [can spraying]
– NOW– – [scoffs] HOW YOU GON’ BE USING
AN INVISIBLE CLOAK, WHEN I CAN SEE
YOU’RE TAGGING THE DAMN WALL? – [laughs] – DIME BAG OF PIXIE DUST. – [scoffs]
– CONTRABAND. – SEE,
HERE’S THE THING, THE KIDS KNOW
THAT THE ONLY WAY TO FLY IS– – WIZARD PEPPER.
– UNBELIEVABLE. GET YOUR ASS
OUT MY OFFICE. I WILL TURN YOU
INTO A SPIDER! THEY’RE GOOD KIDS. [school bell ringing]
HOGWARTS AND CLORTHO’S, CLORTHO’S AND HOGWARTS,
THEY GO HAND-IN-HAND, THE BEST TOP TWO
WIZARDING SCHOOLS THERE ARE. BUT YOU KNOW,
OUT OF THESE TWO SCHOOLS, WE EACH HAVE A STRIKE. WE DO SCORE A LITTLE BIT LOWER
ON STANDARDIZED TESTS THAN HOGWARTS,
BUT THERE IS A CULTURAL BIAS. WE MAY NOT HAVE
A HUGE ENDOWMENT LIKE THEY GET
OVER AT HOGWARTS, AND YES,
SOME OF THE TEACHERS HAVE TO BUY THEIR OWN
NEWT’S EYES OR BAT WINGS OR– – ONE KID GOT TRANSFORMED
INTO A CAT. THEY CAN’T EVEN AFFORD
TO CHANGE HIM BACK. – THIS YOUNG MAN’S NAME
IS JAMAR. NORMALLY, YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED
TO TOUCH THE STUDENTS LIKE THIS WHEN THEY’RE
IN HUMAN FORM, BUT WHEN THEY’RE A CAT,
WE JUST HAVE AT IT. SPORTS. EVERYBODY LOVES SPORTS. IT’S TRUE.
– NOT EVERYBODY. – THE HALLWAYS
ARE A-BLUSTER WITH THE CONVERSATION
OF OUR QUIDDITCH TEAM. – HALF THE TEAM
IS BACK HERE RIDING MOPS. WE GOT TWO LITTLE [bleep]
ON SWIFFERS. – LESTER! WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE,
THE AVERAGE CLORTHO STUDENT– [squeaking]
UH, SAY– THIS MOTHER– [laughs] SOMETIMES THE KIDS
THINK IT’S CUTE TO TURN THEMSELVES
INTO A RAT, [laughs]
SNEAK INTO MY OFFICE, PLAY A LITTLE JOKE
ON ME. WHO IS THAT?
TYRONE, IS THAT–IS THAT–? NO,
THAT’S AN ACTUAL RAT.