so what do you say to a woman to create
attraction to spark the vibe to create chemistry between the two of you more
importantly how do you avoid those nice guy conversations that fizzle out that
go nowhere and never lead to a second date that’s what we’re gonna discuss in
this video hi I’m Bobby Rio and in this video I want to give you five
conversation tactics that lead to the vibe that spark attraction and create
chemistry between you and the woman that you’re just talking to now I’ve been
coaching guys for 12 years and I know that one of the biggest frustrations
that guys run into is not knowing what to say not knowing how to have a
conversation that moves from that friendly platonic level to that
flirtatious level where there’s clearly chemistry being felt between the two of
you now for me this was in fact my biggest struggle because as a natural
introvert it never came easy to me I I would get in front of a woman and I
would always resort to those boring interview style questions where the only
thing I would know how to say on a date was so you know did you grow up around
here do you have any brothers or sisters so what do you do for fun and I would
just spit Paul you know question after question at her and the date would end
right 30 minutes an hour two hours would go by and I would feel like I didn’t
even get any closer with her than I did in the beginning of the date and what I
realized was that a lot of it had to do with with the type of conversations that
I was having but more importantly the method I was using to create attraction
in fact I had no message right I went into it just thinking well if I look
good enough and I’m kind of funny and she’ll be attracted to me and that
doesn’t work right if you don’t have a conversation that creates the vibe right
and this is really what I wrote the vibe because that’s really what it’s about um
a woman doesn’t walk away from a date with you or a conversation with you and
have a checklist of everything that you’ve said she walks away going
did I feel the vibe was there chemistry there was what was was there something
between us tangible and how do you create that feeling well that’s what
we’re gonna discuss right now so I want to give you five tactics and a lot of
these tactics the best part about them is that if you follow these tactics you
avoid nice guy conversations so and the first one is really really critical so
tactic number one is you want to lead the vibe okay what do I mean by lead the
vibe I mean that as a man it’s your responsibility to lead the feeling of
the conversation a lot of times guys nice guys we start talking to a woman
especially if it’s a woman that were really attracted to and we kind of look
at her to set the tone if she’s kind of flirty with us were like okay I can be
flirty with her if she’s you know kind of a Wilder girl and she says some
Wilder things then we’re like okay I can say some Wilder things on the other hand
what happens a lot of times if the girl is kind of you know quiet or
conservative and we tend to follow her lead
basically what happens is we let her dictate the vibe of the conversation and
when you do that you’re giving her all the control of where it goes and you
never really want to do that because you’re putting everything into her hands
and as the man you want to take responsibility so what do I mean by lead
the vibe I mean so every every conversation and this is something
that’s true with people that you meet out it doesn’t necessarily mean just
women right if you’re at work and you’re talking with a group of co-workers
there’s always one person who sets the tone of the conversation right maybe
you’re having a very professional conversation and then one of your
co-workers makes a joke about drinking a beer and all of a sudden everybody’s
talking about how they need a drink and everybody’s more relaxed he led the vibe
right because he’s the one who kind of brought that new topic in and that’s
your job when you’re talking to a woman she’s not going to do that a lot of
women are gonna stick to a very PG realm and as a man you can go one of two ways
nice guy he’s gonna stick there right so if she’s talking about puppy dogs and
ice cream he’s gonna talk about puppy dogs and ice cream if she’s asking him
boring questions he’s gonna answer her questions and he’s gonna ask her boring
questions back but what I’m telling you to do is you want to lead the vibe so if
she starts asking you boring questions you can say something like hey hold on
let’s come back to these questions later I don’t really feel like it’s gonna get
either one of us and know each other better instead just tell me what’s your
story right what should what’s your deal what’s your story and in that moment you
changed the vibe or maybe changing the vibe is saying something flirtatious
right because a lot of times when you hang out with a girl she’s not saying
anything flirtatious to you and we’re like waiting for her to say okay it’s
okay now you can flirt with me but what I’m saying is take the risk
take the conversational risk be the one to make the flirtatious comment be the
one to make an off-color joke be the one to bring in some element of sexuality
into the conversation don’t wait for her to do it because if you do you’re gonna
be waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and then that end of the date is
gonna come or the end of you know the interactions gonna come and you’re gonna
leave her with no feeling like she got to know you no feeling like there’s any
chemistry between you so you always want to lead the vibe like I said you can do
that by you know I convert a time that I can remember doing this was I was
talking to this woman and she starts like asking me so where did you go to
college and all these and I’m like thinking to myself this is not gonna go
anywhere right so I go hey once I’ll answer that in a second but first I need
your opinion on something and I asked her totally a relevant question to what
she was asking me because it allowed me to steer the conversation away from
these boring topics and as a guy that’s your number one priorities don’t let her
suck you into interview mode it’s really easy to go so you know do you show you
have brothers and sisters Oh what did you study in college
but no attraction is going to be created in that realm right why is no attraction
going to be created in that realm because of number two oh and that is
make it intimate in order for a woman to feel
chemistry with you there needs to be a feeling of intimacy and the reason a lot
of guys never get to that feeling of intimacy is because they they make the
conversation about everything except the two of you right if you’re talking to a
woman the conversation should largely be focused on you and hers dynamic but what
a lot of guys do is they talk about travel right maybe you’re talking and
she goes oh where do you like to travel and you start telling her how your
favorite place is to travel is South America and you’re telling her about how
much you love you know Argentina but what’s happening there is it imagine
there’s a big spotlight above you you’re now focusing that spotlight on
Argentina right or maybe you ask her a question so where did you grow up
now you’re focusing that conversation spotlight on her or maybe you’re talking
about your job now you’re focusing it there but chemistry doesn’t happen in
those realms chemistry happens when it’s you and her focusing on each other so a
simple way to change that is instead of asking her a question is to make a
statement about it right so a simple thing that I that I used to do is that
anytime that you’re you’re you’re talking to a woman that you let’s say
you’re on a date with her you’re getting to know her sometimes you’d say where
did you grow up right but by changing it to say to saying something like you know
you didn’t grow up around here did you now you’ve made a statement now you’ve
given your reaction to her your interpretation her which makes her
curious she’s gonna go I didn’t grow up around here how did you know and then
you say something like I could just tell like the way that you see the world is
like very different than the typical New Jersey girl your daddy I could tell you
definitely didn’t grow up in New Jersey that’s we’re so refreshing right um now
you told her how you view her and that’s intimate right we don’t we don’t do that
to strangers like it’s an intimate thing to tell somebody how we view them so
anytime that you do that you’re creating a sense of intimacy between you another
thing that you can do to create intimacy very simple is use her name so anytime
you use somebody’s name it’s a very intimate thing
if you say so Nicole I could tell that you didn’t grow up around here now
you’ve done two things you used her name which is an intimate thing but you’ve
also told her how you view her right you’ve made a statement about her and
that’s a very very easy way to create a sense of intimacy
so next time you’re hanging out instead of asking a question turn it into a
statement the next thing that you want to do though and this is really critical
is establish flirtation early and this is sort of along the lines of leading
the vibe but what happens is and I’ve been guilty of this and I know that many
many of my my students and clients are guilty of this is they hang out with a
woman whether they’re meeting or at a party or a bar maybe they’re on a first
date with her and for the first 45 minutes of the conversation they’re
having this very PG conversation they’re talking about you
know their jobs and their travels and their hobbies and then they look at
their watch and they’re like man the state’s coming to an end there’s no way
I can go in for the kiss when I’m like we haven’t even flirted yet and then all
of a sudden they’re like shit how do I start flirting but you’ve spent 45
minutes creating this non flirtatious vibe it’s really hard to then shift
gears you know after 45 minutes to an hour of a friendly platonic conversation
and then make the conversation flirtatious so one of the things you
always want to be very cautious of and very very thoughtful to do early on is
very early on create that flirtatious vibe very very early on um a lot of ways
you can do it right one of the simplest ways you can do it is again to use a
banter line or to give her a nickname like really early if she says something
you know you’re trouble I could just tell you’re trouble you’re one of those
girls I’m gonna call you trouble and you just call her trouble and now you’ve
given her a sort of a flirtatious nickname it’s it’s it’s it’s code right
it’s like a secret language anytime you’re teasing a girl its flirtation
right so maybe if she says something early on you go you spend a lot of time
in the library what were a little kid dating you know like
just tees are a little bit friendly teasing right it’s not about being mean
it’s about a friendly teasing because friendly teasing really is flirting it’s
the secret language like when you do that you know like oh we’re flirting
here so the minute you do that you’ve now established that and now thirty
minutes later or an hour later you don’t have to worry about it because it’s
already been established you’ve already given her a nickname
you’ve bantered with her you’ve teased her if she tells you that she’s a
teacher you say give me your best mean girlf mean teacher face right and I give
it to me let me see y’all and you tease her about it and now she knows you’re
flirting with her now she’s not going what’s going on here this guy’s talking
to me like I’m his sister and that’s what most guys do on a date they talk to
the woman like she’s their sister and then they wonder why they get a text
from her like you know the next day going yeah I don’t think I want to go
out with you again you’re really nice but I’d rather be friends right and it’s
because you treated her like a friend you didn’t flirt with her so you want to
make sure that you establish flirtation early you can do it with one simple
banter line I always tell guys that the best investment of your time is to learn
how to spot things that a woman says that you can then use as banter and I
give the example of trouble cuz that’s really simple is you just look for
something that she says that you can twist it right it’s all about twisting
like you’re trouble I could just tell you’re got to stay away from you and
right there you flirt it so but the next thing you want to do and this is again
it’s all about leading the vibe in a way is demonstrating what I call cool
vulnerability right cool vulnerability and cool is is is is a critical word
there because I’ve told people this concept and if you don’t add cool in
front of it it doesn’t work it’s not about being vulnerable right a lot of
guys go Bobby you told me to be vulnerable I go yeah but vulnerability
doesn’t mean getting on a date and telling a woman how you you know you had
a shitty childhood and your mom didn’t love you enough and your dad thought
that you know you never lived up to accept that’s vulnerable but that’s not
cool vulnerable right the best way to how to be cool vulnerable is to watch
late-night TV because if you see guests like you know actors for instance they
come on their athletes I’m all these people with really high status they come
on these late-night talk shows they sit down on you know Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy
Kimmel or you know Conan O’Brien all these different shows over the years and
you watch what they do they all tell cool vulnerability stories so you’re not
gonna tell a girl that you’re your last girlfriend cheated on you and left you
and now you’ve been you know drinking orange juice and holed up in your
apartment for the last year and a half without socializing because you’ve been
so depressed that’s vulnerable but it’s like bad negative energy vulnerable cool
vulnerable is like telling a girl how you’re you know in the first grade you
bought this girl of rose and she whatever right that’s cool vulnerable
telling the story about how you know I’ll tell her girl how you know my first
girlfriend I used to write her name on the back of my books right you know I
know the books the cardboard bags that you put over books and I would write
like Bobby loves into her name over and over again and then one day my entire
class I walk into class and they all had seen the book and everybody was like
that’s like a funny vulnerable story but it’s like cool vulnerable it’s not like
sad pathetic vulnerable um telling a story about how you you know Matthew
McConaughey told some story about how he was in the spelling bee when he was
younger and he lost but his mom like told him he won so she like made him
this this like trophy of like Little Miss Texas speller and he used to be
bragging about the trophy and then one day like the thing fell off and he
realized I think his mom made it for him that’s cool vulnerable right it’s like
it’s just like a musing story you got to get really good at telling these type of
stories you don’t want to veer into vulnerable like you know my girlfriend
cheated on me vulnerable its vulnerable of amusing like watch late-night TV and
get good at telling those kind of stories that that will give you a huge
advantage on dates because those are the kind
things that humanize you right because she may feel flirtatiousness with you um
and she may feel a vibe but when she walks away you need to give her these
little memory things and the reason why guys like Matthew McConaughey and George
Clooney and Brad Pitt and all these actors they do that is because they
humanized themselves they tell these like very human stories so that the
audience out there thinks of them not as these actors and these super high status
people but as these like human beings and it makes them like them more and
want to go see their movies so if they’re doing it they’re doing it for a
reason right they’re publicists are telling them what kind of stories to
tell on these shows because it works right so the next thing you want to do
is approve not compliment right very simple shift approve not compliment
a lot of guys when we’re hanging out with a girl and it’s going well we
automatically start gushing compliments I can remember a time that I was out
with this girl for the first time and she was really adorable it’s adorable
Filipino girl she was a actress she was actually in the movie hitch which is
ironic now but and on the date I start gushing compliments at her and I’m like
you are so cute and she was she was really cute and I just couldn’t stop
telling her how cute she was and I never got another date because when you gush
compliments at a girl it’s a very nice guy behavior so then the question that
people ask me is well FAMAS was that complement or well how do I let her know
that I’m interested in her well there’s a you complement her in a way that
approves of her that you still maintain your status and you don’t give it all
the way right so example of approving with her is saying something like I love
the way that outfit looks on you now you’re not like telling her you’re
gorgeous you’re saying I love the way that outfit looks on you all right your
compliment you’re approving of the outfit she’s wearing another thing that
you can say to a woman is something along the lines of like I hate you for
making me so attracted to you all right I hate that you’re making me I hate that
you’re being so sexy I can’t think of anything else right now how am i how am
I supposed to concentrate tonight on the play that we’re going to see when you’re
dressed like that now that compliment is up
again the reason these kind of compliments work is because it’s making
it intimate right it’s you complimenting her in an intimate way that perfume that
you’re wearing is driving me crazy all right it’s her perfume driving you crazy
that smile that you just gave is very very seductive and I am NOT going to be
able to concentrate on anything for the rest of the night if you keep doing that
it’s about you and her right it’s not you going you’re so cute oh my god you
have the most beautiful eyes in the world
that’s nice guy compliments complimenting in this way is you
approving of her and women want to be approved of right it’s like guys the
guard oh i didn’t compliment it well then how the frig did she know that you
wanted to be with her she didn’t you have to compliment her but you have to
do it in the right way so those are five tactics that you can start out right
lead the vibe that means take some conversational risks if the conversation
is going in this sort of dead-end way lead it lead it out of there make it
intimate tell her things about herself you know make a comment about her tell
her how you view her say you know you walk around you when you walked in here
you just look so sophisticated I got kind of scared I got kind of nervous you
were you kind of have this like sophisticated energy now you’re telling
her you and her how you view her established flirtation really easy
give her a nickname early on use a banter line tease her about something
cool vulnerability have stories about you know examples that I used to do is I
would I would joke around about my when I was little I went to this sleepaway
camp this Boy Scout camp that was like a nightmare for me because I’m like not a
Boy Scout type guy and I’ll tell stories like that or I’ll make a joke about I
love cheesy 80s music so telling a story about me at like an cheesy 80s like a
Whitesnake concert right that’s like vulnerability but it’s not pathetic
vulnerability right pathetic vulnerability is fine when you’re in a
long-term relationship and you open up but you don’t want to do that on a first
or second date and then complement through approval so now if conversation
doesn’t come naturally to you like it didn’t
like I said I’m a natural introvert I had to learn all this stuff I had to
learn it by watching people who were naturally good at it and over time I’ve
been able to develop tactics that work for me if you fall into that realm I
have a book called charismatic conversation secrets it’s less than ten
dollars it’s almost 200 pages of tactics just
like this I mean literally I think there’s like a hundred and ten different
tactics there’s a link below conversations charismatic conversation
secrets it definitely if you like examples – it’s filled with examples
right in this video I try to keep it quick in the book itself you get dozens
and dozens for each each tactics you get examples of exactly what to say exactly
how to deliver the line again if you like this video make sure you hit
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