Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don’t have to. So it’s come to this. Tom and Jerry and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. That’s a lot of ands for this title, and one of them should clearly not be there at goddamn all. I like Tom and Jerry. I like Willy Wonka. But similar to welcomely divorced parents, just because I like them individually does not mean they shouldn’t stay miles away from each other. I’ve talked about Willy Wonka and Tom and Jerry at great lengths on this show, so it figures we should look over their latest cash-grab of inconvenience. And for those not aware, this is not the first time something like this has happened with Tom and Jerry. They’ve taken a strange direction in the past couple of years, in that there is no direction. They’re now tied in with classic stories turned into classic films despite there being absolutely no connection. They’re almost line-for-line. They just somehow sneak Tom and Jerry into there. Nobody cared too much as these properties were so big and so overused that none of it really seemed that surprising. But something about this one drove the Internet bonkers. Maybe because cinematically, Willy Wonka has only 2 versions, and even though it’s for kids, it still holds a slightly cynical edge that seems to be strangely contemporary, even though it came out years and years ago, being lovingly satirized and referenced even today. So is this the film to suck out that unique edge from a timeless classic? Well… Yeah. This is Tom and Jerry and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Oh, it’s just like watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon! This should make all the Willy Wonka fans happy! Oh, it’s just like watching Willy Wonka! This should make all the Tom and Jerry fans happy! You see the problem, you first 2 seconds?! Yup, this is mostly a shot-for-shot retelling of the original film. Christ, I thought I gave the Beauty and the Beast reboot a hard time. Though at least everybody can’t sing in this one. Funny enough, the opening is…funny enough. Yeah, Tom and Jerry do some slapstick chasing each other around, looking for food, and it’s not badly done. Even Tom’s scream seems humorously appropriate. [Tom] Aaaahhhhh! [Critic] But Jerry escapes into a candy store and… …with no tie-in or even introduction, the Candy Man song begins. [Candy Man] ♫ Who can take a sunrise? ♫ ♫ Sprinkle it with dew? ♫ [Critic] Why, this is as well-woven as a web that’s trying to ensnare and kill you. Oh, c’mon, it’s a shot-for-shot remake if you couldn’t even animate that kid getting thwacked with the counter? Wait, spoke too soon. This is already weird! Who puts a mouse trap in candy? The Candy Man’s a psycho! Something else you’ll notice is that, for what it is, the animation clearly has effort put into it. It’s colorful, smooth, gets chunks of the slapstick right. It’s not half bad. But then you’ll realize it’s not half good, either. As for all its talent, it still looks rushed out, and most likely, there was no time to redo a drawing if one looks slightly off. Because of this, I’m gonna do my Ooh, that’s a good one to start off with. Charlie totally ignores the fact that free candy is being handed out, and instead, stops Tom from eating Jerry. [Charlie] I had to do that. I couldn’t let you eat that poor mouse! Things can’t be that bad, can they? [Critic] Hey, don’t you encourage that. We all know where this mindset leads! [All] ♫ The greatest gift in life’s a friend! ♫ [Man] Turn it off! [Critic] Charlie feels bad for the both of them being hungry, so he gives them the bread that he was gonna give his family. Well, wait, then how does the later scene go? [Charlie] Grandpa George, Grandma Georgina, Grandma Josephine, Grandpa Joe. [Charlie] Cabbage soup?
[Critic] Gaaah! Could you lean forward with a little less intensity? [Charlie] I’m tired of cabbage water. Tonight, we’re gonna have a real banquet. I had two of them, but I gave one to some new friends. [Critic] So, George and Georgina will still eat the shitty cabbage water, but the rest of us will eat like royalty! Tom and Jerry want to repay Charlie, so they try to sneak into the candy store and steal a crate of Wonka bars. Thankfully, the delivery man is a dog, because coherent realities are dumb. Charlie, of course, tells them it’s not right to steal, and they should return it. They put the crate back, while breaking and entering, and beating the crap out of the staff, breaking several more laws to account for one misdemeanor. [affected accent] My conscience is clear! [normal] Meanwhile, like in the film, a big announcement hits the school. [Teacher] What’s going on out there? [Student] Willy Wonka’s- [Critic] Kid, were you just waiting at that door for someone to open it? You look like you’ve been practicing that pose for hours. Yeah, this is good. [Student] Willy Wonka’s opening up his factory! You gotta buy Wonka bars to find the tickets! [Teacher] Class dismissed! [Critic] After Charlie fantasizes about killing them… …killing them all… Tom and Jerry recommend that they steal again that crate they stole before. [Charlie] No! It’s not right guys. [Critic] Funny fact, this is the artist’s interpretation of what Hanna Barbera would think of this film. You know the drill, 4 kids find the golden tickets, Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt, Mike Teevee, and Violet Beauregarde. [Violet] When I heard about this Wonka thing, I switched to chocolate. But then, I went straight- [Critic] Dooooh, that’s another creepy face! And at last, the fifth one is found by… …to be fair, a pretty humorous cameo. [Droopy Dog] I’ve never been happier. Olé. [Critic] Not only did they work in a Droopy cameo, but they also worked in a Mexican stereotype to go with the other stereotypes! Tom and Jerry recycle bottles to get some money to buy a bar, again, wondering how payment to animals works in this ecosystem, but the coin falls down the drain only to be picked up by Charlie. By God, all of that was needed! [Candy Man] One Wonka bar it is. [Critic] And, of course, it’s from the crate that Tom and Jerry had hidden away. [Reporter] The fifth golden ticket is a forgery. Alberto Minoleta has just been taken into custody by the police. [Critic] Okay, as funny as that was, I am a little disturbed to see Droopy in cuffs. Could he get the chair for this? If animals can make a living, I have no idea what the laws are like in this world. Charlie naturally opens up the bar, finding the last golden ticket. After another creep face. It’s scrum-Satanly-umptious. As you probably guess, Slugworth stops him, and tells Charlie how he wants him to get an Everlasting Gobstopper from Wonka. But this time, there’s three big differences. One is, he’s German. [Slugworth] You must get a hold of an Everlasting Gobstopper and bring it to me, so I can find the secret formula. [Critic] We have one of those stereotypes already, thank you. Two, he moves like the skeleton of a pink elephant from Dumbo. [Slugworth] The Everlasting Gobstopper. If he’s successful, he’ll bankrupt me. [Critic] Eh, I think there’s too many creepy faces to count for this one. We’ll just do a Cliff Note. Third, (and it’s not easy to say this) strangest of all, he sings Veruca Salt’s song, I Want it Now. [Slugworth] ♫ I want it all! ♫ [Critic] What? [Slugworth] ♫ I want the whole world! ♫ ♫ I want to lock it all up in my pocket! It’s my bar of chocolate! ♫ [Critic] Why are you playing this here? It only ruins the song later when you play it again. Also, the other kids didn’t get a song, what makes Charlie so special? In fact, doesn’t that make him see even more how untrustworthy this guy is? It makes no sense. [Slugworth] ♫ I want the works! I want the whole works! ♫ ♫ The world on my plate, it isn’t too late! ♫ [Critic] I’m so glad kids finally have a Nickelodeon version of Pink Floyd’s The Wall. [Spongebob] Squidward, we don’t need no education. Dahahahaha! [Slugworth] ♫ Don’t care how, I want it now! ♫ [Critic] But Charlie sings him down a sewer, because life is a joke, and he shows his family the ticket, causing that faker Grandpa Joe to suddenly start walking. [Grandpa Joe] Ah, I’m fine Charlie. I’m fine. Look at me! ♫ I never thought my- ♫ [Critic] Whoa, now that was a segue. Oh, I’m fine, Charlie, I’m fine. LOOK AT ME! ♫ I never thought my life could be anything but catastrophe! ♫ You’re kinda acting like you knew it wouldn’t. Thank God we have Tom and Jerry fighting over this momentous occasion. [Grandpa Joe] ♫ ‘Cause I’ve got a golden ticket! ♫ It’s ours Charlie! Here I go! Ha ha, watch my speed! [Critic] Yeah, I can’t watch your speed because you’re not showing it! Clearly this movie wanted this miracle of healing to focus on violence and maiming. If I just showed you this scene, would you think it’s about a man who can walk again, or the 3 of them committing a murder? And don’t let the fact that you’re welcoming death influence you. So the next day, they go to the factory, where all the Ren and Stimpy characters, with their cheeks about to be ripped off, await. But pointless insert #12 arrives, as Grandpa Joe forgets his ticket, so, Tom and Jerry use all their power of filler to get it back to him. But a bird sees the ticket, and takes it to her nest, on top of a stoplight to use as a pillow. As birds do. [Violet] Check out this stretch! [Critic] Christ, are Violet’s eyes trying to leave their sockets?! We don’t even need an Oompa-Loompa song for her, nobody’s going to want to do what her creepy ass is doing. What I like about this scene of Wonka coming out, pretending to be disabled, is that, unlike the other film, where people just look a little confused, and maybe disappointed, the people in this one are downright pissed! A cane? Piss on his corpse! You know who else had a cane? The devil! He, of course, tricks them, revealing your eighth nightmare tonight, and Tom and Jerry sneak the ticket back into Joe’s pocket. [Grandpa Joe] Where did I put it? [Critic] Oh my God, is that what I think it is?! Oh, thank you, Jesus. [Violet] Violet Beauregarde. [Wonka] Darling child- [Critic] Okay, that wasn’t just one drawing, you kept her eyes like that while she was talking! You’re not even trying to hide your faces of death anymore! W-Wait a minute. That dog was on a leash. If they can hold down jobs, own homes, and commit crimes, why do they still need to be on a leash?! Your world building is as stable as a Jenga made out of wet toilet paper! But Tom and Jerry see Slugworth, and even listen to his quote/unquote evil plan. [Slugworth] By the end of the day, Charlie Bucket will get exactly what’s coming to him. And then, this chocolate factory will have a new owner! Muhahahahaha! [Critic] I love cryptically explaining my good deeds! Muhahahahaha! Oh, look. I’m going to deliver this ice cream to the children’s hospital! Muhahahaha! Won’t that be nice of me? Muhahahaha! So Tom and Jerry sneak in to stop his quote/unquote evil plan, and come across Tuffy as an Oompa-Loompa intern. [Tuffy, deep voice] Who dares trespass into my candy factory? [Tuffy, normal voice] Don’t you know it’s dangerous down here? [Critic] Oh, and forget that hellish bass I had a second ago. We’re never going to explain it. They end up in the chocolate room, again distracting from the enchanting moment with more slapstick. [Wonka] ♫ Anything you want to, do it. ♫ ♫ Want to change the world- ♫ [Critic] Yeah, that’s just as creepy in animation as it was in live action. Of course, Augustus falls in, and gets stuck in the pipe, and the Oompa-Loompas sing about it. They couldn’t even have Tom and Jerry flying off the letters. See, even my shitty ideas are more inspiringly lazy than your shitty ideas. They get to the boat, and Tom and Jerry seem to miss it, but luckily, Tuffy has a boat just for him to catch up. [Tuffy] Good thing I always keep a spare boat by the river. [Critic] There’s so many whys and so little time, I’m just going to list them here. Feel free to go back and look at them if you wish. They get in the boat, and sure enough, they go through… the tunnel. Okay, movie, I’m not gonna lie, this is the one scene I’m looking forward to. I just have to know, how does insanity depict insanity? What does a reflection of a reflection look like? You can’t have the balls to have them chop off a chicken’s head or say “the fires of Hell”. I actually have no idea what’s in that goddamn thing, and I’m surprisingly excited to see your interpretation of it. Okay. Okay, go. [Tuffy] There’s no earthly way of knowing. [Critic] Um, they’re having Tuffy the Mouse do this scene? [Tuffy] There’s no knowing where we’re rowing. [Critic] Are they actually saying the whole poem? [Tuffy] Is a hurricane a-blowing? Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing. [Critic] Was that a toy dog in the background? [Tuffy] Are the fires of Hell a-glowing? [Critic] Oh my God! He said it! He said the word Hell officially in a Tom and Jerry cartoon! [Tuffy] Is the grisly reaper mowing? Yes! And they’re certainly not showing ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING! [Critic] This is amaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! [Tuffy] Woaaaaaaaaaaaah!
[Critic] This is amaziiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing! [Critic] Did that really just happen? No joke, this might actually be more insane than the original! The first one had people’s fears. It wanted to scare and frighten them. This has a toy dog, an Oompa-Loompa who’s also a mouse, a kid mouse, with a cute little lisp, in a Tom and Jerry cartoon where they say the word Hell. Don’t get me wrong, I know Gene Wilder is terrifying in the original, but look at this! [Tuffy] ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING! [Critic] Look at this! [Tuffy] Woaaaaaaaaaaaah! [Critic] I’m…not saying this is better than the original, not by a longshot, but I am saying it’s crazier. And it’s kind of the best thing in the movie. We don’t need that, it goes without saying. Sadly, the boring kind of madness takes over again, as we just see Tom and Jerry in the background of other famous Wonka scenes. Getting the Gobstoppers, licking the wallpaper, and turning Violet into a blueberry. Oh c’mon, you couldn’t even really make her look blue, it just still looks like a weak light is on her face. How do you do that in animation? The only difference is Slugworth and the dog chase Tom and Jerry around while all of that is going on. It doesn’t even make sense. Why is he obsessed over getting them? It happens during the Fizzy Lifting Drink scene, the goose scene, and, yes, even during the repeat of the song we already heard. [Violet] ♫ Give it to me now! ♫ [Slugworth] ♫ Oh, I want today! ♫ [Violet] ♫ I want tomorrow ♫ [Critic] Ooh, now it’s a duet! This adds a totally different angle I never considered before- Wait, it’s just stupid. Why is he even singing it? He doesn’t need to convey he’s evil to a cat, mouse, and Oompa-Loompa! In fact, why doesn’t the Oompa-Loompa know? He’s got the freaky tunnel shtick down! How come he doesn’t know that Slugworth isn’t a bad guy? Oh, wait, maybe it’s because he’s doing everything a bad guy would do, and for no literal good reasons! He even steals the Gobstopper. Great. What are you going to do with it? Mister Vonka, I stole the Everlasting Gobst…what was my job again? Tom and Jerry get stuck with Veruca getting sent to the furnace. [Tuffy] We’re in the furnace! [Critic] Holy shit! They’re going Toy Story 3 on our assess! [Mr. Salt] Out of my way, cat! [Critic] No, no, no, it doesn’t end there. It ends with this! [Tuffy] Woaaaaaaaaaaaah! [Critic] No, no, not there either. It’s Tom and Jerry, they just brush it off, occasionally making a blackface joke. None in this one? Whew. That would have been hard to explain to your kids. Though not as hard as this: [Tuffy] Woaaaaaaaaaaaah! [Critic] Good luck with that, parents! Mike Teevee gets axed off next, which means we’re probably getting close to the film’s traditional ending. To say the least, this movie takes some… liberties. [Charlie] They’re leaving the factory! [Slugworth] Daaah! [Critic] Of course, Wonka knew they would figure out his technology and beam him back, changing their sizes, having a death battle, resulting in everyone’s insides being switched around! I mean, it’s in every playbook, y’all! [Slugworth] My offer still stands, Charlie Bucket. With 2 Gobstoppers, I could rule the candy world! [Critic] Does 911 not exist anymore? [Slugworth] Now, you and I can be partners. Our Gobstopper will make us kings of the candy world! [Critic] What is it with Tom and Jerry and smiling predators walking slowly towards the camera? So, after Charlie’s trust is tested, it’s… tested again in the classic scene where Wonka flips out at him. [Grandpa Joe] We didn’t see any rules! [Wonka] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37 of the contract signed by him… [Critic] Which we never saw signed. Oops. [Wonka] You stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir! [Critic] Wow. That was surprisingly tame by this film’s standards. I would have expected at least 3 soul-sucking faces out of that scene. Of course, Charlie leaves the Gobstopper, even though… honestly, should, he’s more than earned his trust, Wonka’s just being an asshole now! But he reveals again it was all a test. [Wonka] Let me introduce Mr. Wilkinson. [Slugworth] My master plan was to help Wonka find an heir. I was concerned that you and Tom and Jerry would interfere with that plan. [Critic] Granted, like 99.9% of it made no sense, but, look, Tom and Jerry are farting bubbles. Why question anything? Wonka naturally gives Charlie the factory, and says the final line with easily the creepiest face in the entire movie. [Wonka] You know what happened to the boy who suddenly got everything he ever wanted? He lived happily ever after. [Critic] Tom and Jerry! So, yeah, it’s about as bad as you would think. I’ll give it a little credit for animation that’s at least trying, even if it doesn’t always work. Once in a while, the slapstick can get a laugh, and, Jesus Christ, that tunnel scene! But aside from that, it’s a combination that doesn’t belong together, resulting in the focus always being on the wrong thing. Willy Wonka fans won’t enjoy Tom and Jerry distracting from the emotional moments, and Tom and Jerry fans won’t enjoy Willy Wonka getting in the way of their chaotic mayhem. What can I say but, it’s a bad egg. I’m the Nostalgia Critic, and, one more time! [Tuffy] Woaaaaaaaaaaaah! I think we’re all going to remember that. [Tuffy] Are the fires of Hell a-glowing? Hey, Doug Walker here, doing the charity shout-out, and this week, we are doing Red.org. Red partners with the world’s most iconic brands that contribute up to fifty percent of profits from Red-branded goods and services to The Global Fund. Red has generated more than four hundred and sixty-five million dollars for The Global Fund to Fight AIDS. A hundred percent of that money goes to work on the ground, no overhead is taken. Global Fund grants that Red supports have impacted more than ninety million people with prevention, treatment, counselling, HIV testing, and care services. If you check out their YouTube channel or their site, you can see in great detail all the hard work they put in to this, as well as the millions of people who’s lives they’ve made better. Click on the link, and you can show your support and your thanks for all the kindness they’ve shared.